Tag Archive: Austin Finan

Zartan, what will be the future of these public figures?

Queens-Politics looks into the crystal ball to find out what political hopefuls and hotshots could be doing in the near future.

There is very little competitive campaign action in most parts of Queens because one party and one firm control the electoral landscape. The only exception is on the north end where a cast of ambitious characters strut their stuff and vie for the next available seat — or do what they can to get a choice candidate elected into office.

Having studied the subjects in detail, let’s examine what could probably become of them, say ten years from now.

• Steve Behar, a former Assembly and Council candidate goes national. Fed up with the corruption in Queens County, Steve realizes he’ll never raise enough money without submitting to the lobbyists and decides never again to work in local politics. Eventually he becomes National Director for Howard Dean’s campaign in 2020. Still driving the same truck.

• Ed Braunstein rises to Speaker of the Assembly. When Shelly finally retires, Ed asks, why did my uncles get me into this mess? Eventually he gives up civic life to open Eddy’s Irish Bistro on Bell Boulevard. He becomes happiest man in Queens. Please note it has a kosher menu.

• Dave Fischer becomes Chief of Staff for Ed Braunstein’s successor, Terrence Park. He spends his Saturday nights studying the Rosetta Stone to learn the Korean language.

• Ann-Margaret Carozza is still practicing law off of Bell Boulevard. She buys another mansion, this time in Westchester County.

• The Haggerty brothers take over the Queens GOP after John does hard time. Vince Tabone moves back to Astoria to resurrect the Frank Kenna Republican Club and runs against Michael Giannaris for state Senate every two years for a decade. Loses every time.

• City Councilman Dan Halloran becomes Congressman Dan Halloran. Dan shows up in Northern Ireland with Joe Crowley both wearing kilts to broker a peace deal. Dan and Joe win over the leadership of Sinn Féin with their karaoke duet.

• After numerous times of being passed over, State Committee Member Matt Silverstein becomes District leader without the county nod. He opens up a political consulting firm with the elderly Corey Bearak to make a killing of the growing Asian population. To celebrate, Matt orders 10,000 balloons from Devon O’Connor.  In the year 2021, he makes a 7-figure salary and buys up an entire floor at Bay Terrace. Loses support after arguing with the Bay Club Board of Directors because they won’t let him install a Jacuzzi.

• Elio Forcina, an attorney and Former Assembly candidate, defends Evan Stavisky, founder of the Park Side Group for his indictment of influence peddling. They become best friends and Elio soon switches parties and moves to Rockland County to live in Evan’s 200-unit coop development.

• Evan Stavisky, having made all of the judges in Federal court, beats all 91 charges. He becomes Chief of Staff to President Andrew Cuomo and appoints Elio Forcina Ambassador to Israel and G. Gordon Liddy as Secretary of Labor.

• Tony Avella remains State Senator for many years but gets disenfranchised with the Animal rights movement after they make fun of him for wearing leather loafers. Tony later admits independent redistricting is like beating a dead horse.

• After losing three more races to Frank Skala for chairman of the Community Board, Jerry Iannece makes a comeback worthy of Richard Nixon. While leaving the last Community Board meeting as presiding Chair, Jerry is overheard mumbling to himself, “you’re not gonna have Jerry to kick around anymore.” Years later he becomes Queens Borough President and decides to close all the Community Boards, calling them “a giant waste of time.”

• Debra Markell tries to stop Jerry from shutting down the Community Boards using the legal service of Councilmember Paul Vallone. Debra decides to drop the case if Jerry offers her and three family members patronage posts in Borough Hall. Afterwards, Debra donates her land to Al Centola for development of a bocce ball court. Assembly Member Terrence Park protests saying there are too many bocce ball courts for the Italians, we need more poker tables for the Koreans.

• Warren Schreiber lobbies to have Bay Terrace become a separate city. Proposes name change to Stavisky Land.

• After working a few years with the Queens Courier, Robert Hornak made Vicki Schneps use her connections to get him a job at Fox News. He becomes the political Joe Franklin and wins an Emmy for his round table debate with Dennis Gallagher and James McClelland.

• City Councilmember Eric Ulrich eventually loses his seat. Realizes there are no Republicans in South Queens and moves to Whitestone. Erects marble statue in memory of Tom Ognibene at the Frank Padavan Library in Queens Village. Never quite makes it to Governor.

• Harry Giannoulis beats federal indictments and sells his share of the Parkside Group to Austin Finan. Revenues go down 10,000%. Harry eventually repents for his high crimes against the people of New York and opens up a storefront church on Northern Boulevard in Douglaston.